From Darkness into Light

Written by: Jeffrey Liu

As mist coats the surface of the lake and the silence of night gives way to birdsong, the scene is set for a reflective early morning. I join over a hundred others gathered well before the break of dawn for Darkness into Light, an opportunity to remember those we have lost to suicide. We will walk side-by-side, starting in the pitch-black of night, and moving until the break of dawn. The timing is intentional, the slow unveiling of daylight represents hope for those who are feeling lost. 

160 of us in Vancouver are joined by 150,000 others around the world, our chapter closing out an event that began 19 hours earlier in New Zealand. Globally, the events will raise over 5 million dollars for suicide prevention efforts, ensuring an untold many experiencing crises of their own will be able to access the resources they need. The event saves lives on a global scale, a delightful byproduct of showing up for our community.

At the start line, the atmosphere is surprisingly lively. Brisk night air and dim tea lights encourage us to huddle shoulder-to-shoulder. Those sipping coffee take it upon themselves to keep the rest awake with pleasantries. A steady stream of conversation takes many from dark into dawn, much of it lighthearted and delivered with a smile. The topic of suicide is met with empathy and never pity, stripping it of its stigma.

I realized this the first time I was asked what brought me to Darkness Into Light. I hesitated and gave into my natural inclination to deflect the question. ‘I am writing a piece on it’, I say reluctantly. ‘Yes, but what is the draw of writing this piece for you?’, they pressed. It is obvious they know I am dancing around the question, far too willing to adhere to small talk protocol. I take a moment to reset, to give my candid answer.

I am here, I admit, because I experienced a depressive period years ago. One where I recessed into a headspace of growing insecurities and my indifference let it dictate how I felt. Without the words or the vulnerability to share how I felt, my suffering only intensified until I began to have suicidal thoughts. My episode came to a head when I felt suicide became my only option. With nothing to lose, I begrudgingly opened up to family and friends about the thoughts that plagued me. It was not always received positively, but to have someone rooting for you is enough to start repealing the mental blocks that complacency creates. There, presented as plainly as possible, was the power of people. Now that I have left that low point, I want to help shoulder the weight of despondency for others. That is why I am here. 

‘Yes, that is hard. But I am happy you are here today’, he replies. I smile and ask what brings him here.

Many attend in memory of loved ones. I knew this coming into the event and it was a point of unease for me. A sense that, having been fortunate enough to not lose someone to suicide, I will be unable to connect with other walkers. Isn’t it so wonderful to be surprised? 

Everyone serves to benefit from the gift of patience, here are people who understand how distressing it is to be deprived of it. Whereas community has generally become a meaningless buzzword, its role unclear in an increasingly isolated society, here it blossoms into something that is felt. Each and every interaction was a joy, everybody seemed to adopt a how are you, really? attitude as their attention was at your disposal to provide the space to express yourself. I rarely found myself talking about the past, which seemed antithetical in the process of getting to know someone. Perhaps the commitment to moving forward, a theme of the event, became contagious. It is exciting to be characterized by your intentions and wishes, not limited by a past self that you hardly recognize anymore. The future just felt so much bigger, there was still the whole morning to go! What are you looking forward to over the weekend? What has you counting down the days? What’s next? Personally, I could not wait to have a nap.

Darkness into Light takes place annually, and I strongly encourage you to attend next year’s event. It is a great way to sift through the often alienating bustle of the city, a way to feel attuned to an intimate community, where connections are genuine and impactful. Contributions from the event allow an untold many to access mental health resources worldwide, equipping them with invaluable life-preserving skills. Although, I guarantee you will find the most tangible impressions happening closer to home. 

Between now and then, there are many other great options to get involved. For those who have lost someone to suicide, the Crisis Centre holds a community gathering, Take a Walk With Us, quarterly in Pacific Spirit Park. Your generosity maintains this vital space for connection, and I ask that you consider making a donation to the Centre’s Bereavement Fund. Regardless of what you may be able to give, the Crisis Centre is here to offer support to all. We only require you to keep an open mind and to be respectful stewards of the relationships that keep us whole. You are as fundamental of an ambassador for suicide prevention as anybody else. Take care of yourself and do not be afraid to provide yourself with whatever you may need. When you are ready, extend a hand to those around you – patience is the most impactful gift you can offer. With your help, we can build a more resilient community.

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Crisis lines are available across British Columbia 24 hours a day, 7 days a week. If you or someone you know needs help, please call:

• 9-8-8 (call or text)
• 310-6789 (no area code needed)
• 1-800-SUICIDE / 1-800-784-2433
• 604-872-3311